the vizsla is called the velcro dog. i love this about levi. when stella died i knew i needed someone else to want me. levi is overboard, but he is still there. completely there. i like it most when he does his big flop, placing all of himself all over all of myself. last night, drinking scotch and smoking cigars i played "Velcro" for my newest music aficionado. i cant stand it how much i like that song.
sidenote: at work in order to assess if a patient is bipolar they ask " have you ever felt so happy that you just can't stand it?" secretly, the answer is "yes". yes, i cant stand how happy i am. and i cant stand how sad i am sometimes. and i guess i should go see if im bipolar, but i wont. of course not. who wants the medicine for that? and a few nights ago I spoke to stephan, saying a small portion of what i want to say to someone else and he said "why are you so mean to yourself?" haha... why is the sky blue?
and so i finally got around to checking out more bellX1 and i am blissful, blissful, blissful and i still cant stand it. also i heard the story of it. knowing it is about bromance only makes it that more special.
tonight i talked about my own origin story. ben and i shared stories of youth. the ones we didnt know when we were everyday buddies. i like how you know someone without necessarily knowing. anyway the infamous "but i am a girl" story came up. ahhhhh how the shrinks love that one.i dont know, i just want someone to bring the getaway car while i arrive with the glue.
is it possible that one day someone will want my glue? perhaps thats my problem i always, always bring the glue. even when you dont know you are broken, i am there ready to explain exactly how much glue you need and exactly where it should be placed. caaaahhaaaaaarrrrrrllll once said " dont analyze, boys hate that" yes carl, they do. but when you are real good at it they get smacked in the face with it, needing it with their every essence and pushing me away for it too.. i try. i really do. no nails, no hammer, no warm washcloth this time. oh but because of the way testosterone works, thats when they like me best. but it isnt when i like them the best.
so dating is my world now. i guess its good that i am still in love with him. i guess it means that i can stay enough away from a man that he will like me. wait, a boy, i still have no interest in men. and now we really know the problem. wait, werent we talking to shrinks just a few lines ago. i just want it for myself. no matter how old i grow, i am still hoping for my beautiful naive twenty something self(i was never naive, always a bad ass) to just say ohhhhhhhhh yes, oh yes indeed. fuck, im still saying just that to someone that doesnt want me. but i digress, i always digress, it is part of "your charm", catherine, part of your charm. and so dating is my world now. there is something about social skills. something about the ability to touch. something about the horn honking (omg, am not i past horn honking? am i not clearly a woman who is ok with the just flipping do ?) and what is wrong with anyone at this age that honks a horn? i remember when "down there"stood up for himself and he said " listen, i was just trying to be a gentleman" and here it is. you have to find the ones who are gentleman where it counts and 'yes please, i have a dick" where it counts. is it too much to ask?
yes.
mary chapin carpenter "passionate kisses" look it up.
look it up and think of margaret, margaret who i love, perking up and saying, oh yes, this is a good song. yes it is. shouldnt i have allllllllll of this and more.
when i put it down to the basics, i know that everyone should. and summer and i have discussed that it is harder for those who are. its just plain harder.
and i seem to be so sexual lately. that comes from not getting laid. but also, i think it is the time that i end this.
"You fall in love with girls in hi-viz jackets, Girls in their golf carts. Well laid tans and sunglasses ,But it's over before it starts."
it is. its always over.
Read more: BELL X1 - VELCRO LYRICS
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